Rabu, 8 Jun 2011

talking to yourself?

have you ever talk to yourself before?
do you even realise if you're talking to yourself or its just the voice inside of your head.

hey, lets be honest yeah,
i think its normal when you talk to yourself.
but there is a fine line between nuts and normal.
at leat thats what i've read before.

so, when do you talk to yourself?
let me do my list.

1. when i'm talking to my parts of the body especially when i'm in pain.
2. when i suddenly remember something so embarassing,
i have to talk to my brain to shut that memory off.
(trust me, i have plenty of those)
3.when i have to cheer up myself about something
especially when there no one to depend on but myself
4.when i need the encouragement to do something, and theres no one around.
5.when i hope so much for something, and it didnt happen,
i have to talk myself down to never ever dreaming on the false hope
and keep going.

oookkay, thats quite a lot...

am i normal?

Ahad, 5 Jun 2011


something's wrong with me today

i feel stuffy
the air is too heavy...
with something..

this is not good. not good at all,
and why? why does every, every single time i'm in conversation
the topic will always always be the same??

yes people!
my love life died on me.

no, no your hope for me is still as dark as ever if not more. talk.about,it,anymore.

Jumaat, 20 Mei 2011

the mystery of a lost mother

di suatu petang yang mencuka ...

saya kehilangan ibu saya..
penat melilau mata..
namun xjugak saya jumpa.

lalu saya keluar bilik dan memanggil..
dibilik dianjung
pintu ke pintu dibuka
tapi dia tiada..

lalu saya ke pangkin di bawah pokok sana
dan kepada jiran jiran saya bertanya..
tatap juga saya hampa
kerana dia tiada..

lalu saya ke kedai pula
dan kepada pekedai saya bertanya
dimana gerangan mak berada
tapi dia tidak dijumpa..

lalu pekedai berkata
"mak kau ada kat kebun seberang jalan agaknya"
tapi xmungkin pula
kerana mak tidak ke sana..

lalu saya patah balik ke pangkin di bawah pokok
dan kepada jiran jiran saya bertanya
lalu jiran jiran berkata
"mak kau ade kat kebun belakang agaknya"
lalu saya terus jalan ke belakang sana..

lalu ke belakang rumah saya menerokai
mata besar dibuka
semoga dengan mak saya berjumpa
namun hati hiba kecewa
kerana mak x kunjung tiba..

lalu saya pergi ke terus mendekati hutan
menjauhi jiran jiran
dekat dengan pokok rambutan
dan AHAH!! itu dia mak saya dicelah celah tumbuh tumbuhan..

ke situ saya bergegas
melihat mak dikerumun dek nyamuk dan agas
saya tgk mak mula berlengas
kata mak, dia sedang menanam nanas..

lalu saya berasa gembira
mak yang hilang sudah dijumpa
namun kegembiraan itu tidak lama
sebab saya kena mencangkul akhirnya.

Rabu, 18 Mei 2011


and here i am hoping for another show or competition or anything..

anything at all..
i really miss dancing..
and not just the feel of it, or the movements..
i miss the environment, the mirror, the songs, the other dancers..

for the last month,
i've been eating, watching countless movies,
sleeping, reading, cooking,
watch anything and everything on youtube,
writing on my blog that no one read,
watching all those clips of our performances..
and i realize,, over the past two years
i now, cant count how many times and how many songs i have done,,

its not like i'm cocky or great dancer or anything like that,
no, not at all..its just that..
i cant no longer count the experience, the nervousness
of performing, the euphoria of it..
which means= it is no longer only one time kind of thing..
it has became me and i, it.
and after the uni over, i dont even know what am i gonna do..
what choises do i have..

but for now..i'll just carry on with this endless cycle
eating n watching and cooking and sleeping over and over again..
i dont suppose i'll continue to dance, officially i mean
after graduation..
so, i think, i'm gonna enjoy my (maybe) final yr of uni
to the fullest and cherish it after it all end..:(

Sabtu, 14 Mei 2011

18 and above only :)

i'd love to see the hit counter by the end of the day..haha
its not like i have readers or anything...=_=

i'm not going to post any sexual related videos, or link, or sound clips..
no no no no.....not this time anyway o_0;

i was just idling around the house, looking at my brother watching the tv
when i suddenly wonder..what makes people rates the movies and dramas?
from the content i guess, and there are a lots of categories too.

there's G for (general) atau bahasa melayunya U (umum) yg semua org boleh tgk,
then in malaysia they skip from U terus kepada 18PA, SG, SX, n etc..
yg berunsur ganas, seram, sex, politik atau/dan agama yg tidak keterlaluan
for international level they have PG13 (parental guardian) kena diawasi oleh org dewasa,
NC 17(no childeren under 17) and R(rated, untuk org dewasa sahaja)
this is just from what i observed, and it differs from a country to another.
i'm not really sure about all this, so please correct me if i'm wrong.

salt: a PG rated movie for its bits of violence

mr. magorium's wonder emporium: rated as G, suitable for children

now, according to wiki,
age of 18 dipanggil sebagai age of majority..
ini bermakna, anda sudah tidak terikat lagi di bawah jagaan ibu bapa
dan boleh menbuat keputusan sendiri.
xpaham lagi?
kau dah boleh kawen la senang cite.

maybe for some people 18 is nothing..
being 18 maybe just means that
'i 've stop growing'
'wow, i'm a big girl now'

but it is important to know,
being 18 means, if you are arrested,
it will no longer classified under the kes juvana.
you're fully an adult, that can buy cigrattes, go to 18 rated movies,
berkahwin dgn kehendak sendiri, menandatangani kontrak,
meminum arak, dan memandu kenderaan..
(ini adalah hukum yg dibuat manusia, jgn pula kita lupa hukum yg ditetapkan oleh ALLAH)

hantu kak limah balik rumah: tontonan U

anda sendiri la rate yg nih..haha

berumur 18 thun ini
distereotypekan seperti seseorg itu sudah pon
mempunyai pertimbangan yg matang.
yg sudah tahu membezakan sesuatu yg baik dan yg buruk,
yg benar dan yg palsu, dan tahu bertindak sendiri.

sungguhpun, bukan semua org mampu berbuat demikian tatkala mencapai 18,
aku kira, yg umur ini dikira sebagai label yg membezakan anda sebagai org dewasa
dgn kanak2 dari segi fizikal.

so, enough about what i think heres a few facts about age of majority:

1) By age 18, the human brain stops growing. As a matter of fact, the human brain after age 18 begins to lose more than 1,000 brain cells each day. Do not fear: since the fully developed brain has over 100 billion cells, at the rate of losing 1,000 cells each day, it will take 300,000 years before your brain is out of cells.

2) At age of 18, you can buy cigrattes in new zealand; it is increased from 16 in 1997

3) William Shakespeare berkahwin dgn seorang wanita bernama Anne Hathaway yg berusia 26 tahun ketika dia berumur 18 thun.

4) Manusia berdedah kepada matahari 50% ke 80% dari pendedahan kepada matahari seumur hidup mereka sebelum usia 18 thun.

p/s; BM n BI dah bercampur gaul menjadi pecal..sorry..huhu

childhood memories

childhood memories are really precious, i'm telling you.

why? because, it is something only we ourselves can remember, n reminescent about it

remembering how it feels, how fun it was, or how sad, or how frightening...

it is not the same when your parents tells you, 'when you were 6, you used to fall down that tree and stayed at the hospital for 5 days'

thats just going to leave you baffled and go 'uh, okay..' because you cant remember..

my own childhood memories that i can remember start as early as i was 3. ....what? you dont believe it?..haha

i remember being so angry and sad because my grandmother left me to go on holiday somewhere

there i was, carried by my father, crying and wailing while the bus that fetch my grandmother just drives away,

maybe because i was so sad, so so sad, it's permanently carved to my memory..

earliest memory i'd say..

lucky me, i never ever had any experience of moving to a new neighbourhood,

adjusting to a new environment etc.

i've always live here, here where i grow up to be a 21 years old girl/woman whose typing in her room in her house in this village.

here, where at the left side of my home there were a mine that was used to be operated.

there, me n my cousins and friends played kites every evening, got chased by the orang Asli's dog

(lucky i was with my father riding a motorcycle) while getting there.:)

there was this one evening, where it's suddenly rain, so we have to wait in the underground pipe room at the mine

for my father to come and fetch us all..

but we ended up wet anyway, so we just continue to play under the rain around the house when we got back home.

then, at the right side of my house, there was a small river..

(now its so so small, but deep because of the construction of the new road in front of my house)

my father used to catch some fish with net while me and my brother were kicking, and splashing the water beside him in the river,

(i cant remember if he managed to catch any with us playing excitedly and frightened all the fishes)

we did moved twice, from a rented house to the one opposite it.(they were my grandmother's)

then we build a new house, right next to the previous one, and make it our permanent home.

i practically live on this ground, right now all of my life,

and this is where i've been living for the past 7 years now and still counting.

now looking back, i realised how much i missed the time when i was young,

do not have the care in the world about anything except for having fun

and i wonder 'its a pity, my brothers dont have sweet sweet memories like i did '

they've never been chased by a mother hen, or dog, or a deaf man...(dont ask)

never been fishing together by the river.

never ever take a bath from the well that my father dug at the back of our house., i think i'm wrong.

they're creating their own memories now. and one day, 10 years from now,

maybe they'll wonder how they used to play badminton, n play games from their sister's laptop

fell while riding the motorcycle just because a bird flap its wing to one of my brother's face (yup, dont ask too),

and singing all those english songs together with their friends.

(at my time, dangdut n classic rock were THE songs) :D

like how i did just now.

and my children in the future also have different memories from mine

just like mine was different from my parents.

i think everyone's childhood memories are different, just like how mine are not the same with the others

but they are all the same in one way. they are Irreplacable.

p/s: loads of grammar mistakes, n i dont care.:)

Selasa, 10 Mei 2011


i am a left handed person.
in my entire family, only me and my brother are left handed.
and when i said entire family, that include both grandparents, 12 uncles n aunts from both sides of the family, and 46 other cousins.
and my good friend in school also is a left handed,
and my good friend in matriks
and in uni.(they are all different persons of course)
i know what are u gonna say..
"what, does all the left handed people have magnet towards each other now?"
*cue eyerolls*


so, we all know about that theory of which part of the brain is active for right handed or left handed yada yada yada.
but here i am not talking about that, i want to talk about the effect of being left handed in living my life..hooo~cam dramatik je kan?*angkat2 kening*

nothing change...much...actually.
i have to look at the other side of the scissor when i cut papers.

my middle finger of the left hand have this tiny bump: effect of writing n pressing too much with the wooden pencil

i cant knit, like my mother because she cant teach me how to do it in reverse (since she's right handed)........or maybe i just not interested in knitting, i dont know.:)

its weird to hold a guitar because my hand would be itching to reverse the position so i would be comfortable strumming..(not that i good in guitar actually)

ohhh, there is this one thing i cant stand.

my mother used to tell me to cook with my right hand ie; to cut using knife with the right hand, to hold the spatula and flip the food with right hand...

and i'm back and cook with my left hand as soon as my mother's not looking
then one day, there's this kenduri held at my house,
and all the elders of the village came, and I sit, and talk, and cut vegetables with them
and they said, it is better for the left handed to cut with left hand. because the right hand is the one that will hold the vege. :)))))

see? there's still hope for us, left handed girls trying to cook..:')
and one more thing..
the left handed will NOT, i repeat will NOT die faster then the right handed
(i just knew it myself)
they make a mistake while doing the surveys, and take the statement back, but you know, people will remember the heartbreaking fact rather than its withdrawal..
so thats what i want to tell you guys, and there are a few fun fact here. and you can read more by clicking here and here..happy reading:)

do you know that:
1)Left-handers excel particularly in tennis, baseball, swimming and fencing
2)The number of words in English that are typed solely with the left hand is in the neighborhood of 3400. Around 450 words are typed solely with the right hand.
3)In the 1992 U.S. Presidential election, all three major candidates were left-handed. According to most resources, there have been six left-handed presidents: James Garfield, Harry S Truman, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Bill Clinton.
4)Stuttering and dyslexia occur more often in left-handers (particularly if they are forced to change their writing hand as a child, like King of England George VI).

okay fine, maybe not always, but im not always :)

how did you manage to do that woman??o_0

this is the left handed barber scissors, but works the same........right?

p/s:what up with the colours and font of the funfact man?i dont even know..=_=;;